I know what you're thinking, Jr. High school's been over for close to 20 years and you have no desire to ever return to that place. It's a time when children are going through perhaps the most change they have ever experienced. They leave the elementary school world of one class, one teacher, and roughly 30 classmates and now experience eight classes and as many as 250 fellow classmates. This is in addition to the hundreds of other students who aren't in their classes or grade.
Along with the change in atmosphere, kids at this age are also experiencing the most physical and hormonal changes that they will see for the rest of their lives. With puberty comes hormones, and these hormones bring emotional fluctuations and depth that, while being very exciting, can also be extremely challenging. There is nothing scarier than experiencing change at deep, personal levels and not really knowing what to make of it. For me, personally, this was the first time I experienced any of my manic/depressive traits and I imagine this was an emotional time for many of us.
Then we graduate into high school and we get a break from overwhelming physical changes and, instead, learn how to fit into a society with peers while preparing to be self-sufficient adults. This can be a struggle as these are two fairly contrary things. By the time we graduate high school, we generally have an idea who we are (or at least who we want to be) and have an understanding that the world extends well beyond the walls of high school. At this point, we decide if we want to take our education further in college or if we want to try our hand in the working world. Regardless, I feel the developing self takes a brief hiatus and we are able to live within ourselves while contributing to society as a whole. For a lot of us we see this as the best time of our lives, and there is good reason for this. I know for me I remember feeling confident and optimistic during my early 20s and college years.
And now, four years removed from college and into my career, I find myself where I feel many of us do in our late 20s/early 30s-going through the second round of huge life changes. I feel as though I've graduated from the elementary school of being an adult and have now entered Jr. High, realizing that I really am an adult and figuring out what my contribution to the world will be (as a Jr. High student might come to terms with not being a little kid anymore). This, of course, can be very liberating as we lose dependence on outside factors. For a teenager it may be breaking free of some of the dependence on parents. By the age of twelve, when Jr. High starts, most kids have taken on a greater share of personal responsibility, including taking care of their room, clothes, and some of their expenses. In Jr. High, Pt. 2, adults have completely weened themselves from our parents and have even gotten away from the structure and security of school. We are responsible for all of our own expenses and, on top of that, we are even expected to make a contribution to the world.
Figuring out just what our place in the world should be can be one of the hardest things any of us go through, and sadly, is something most of us will experience multiple times. As an adult I have the perspective of 30 years lived to offer some advice for anyone who feels as though they're in a Jr. High of sorts. I only wish I could have told this to 13-year old me and have him understand it. It's the greatest lesson I've ever learned, as well as the hardest. The simple truth is, you can't understand your part in the world until you truly know and love yourself. A simple concept that takes a lifetime to understand. But if you take the steps to truly know and love yourself, I promise you your path and purpose will come to you. And even better than that, you will have a confidence and strength of self that no one can waver. Only when you truly love yourself can you love another and accept their love in return.
Now if you've ever wondered what it looks like for someone to realize who he/she is, I have found no better example than this one from Freaks and Geeks. It's Bill after having a dogshit day at school and coming home to a beautiful understanding. Enjoy!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The Other Side of Manic-Depressive Disorder
"Nothing had happened to him-a happening is a positive reality, and no reality could ever make him helpless; this was some enormous negative-as if everything had been wiped out, leaving a senseless emptiness, faintly indecent because it seemed so ordinary, so unexciting, like murder wearing a homey smile.
Nothing was gone-except desire; no, more than that-the root, the desire to desire. He thought that a man who loses his eyes still retains the concept of sight; but he had heard of a ghastlier blindness-if the brain centers controlling vision are destroyed, one loses even the memory of visual perception."
-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead, p. 414
This excerpt is right before one of the main characters contemplates suicide, as he finds himself completely unable to feel. It may be of interest to note, as well, that he thinks these things right after he spends an evening with a woman of utmost beauty. Which is why these two paragraphs capture so perfectly what it feels like for someone with manic-depressive disorder to be in a depressed state. It's not that we don't see the light, it's that we find everything uninteresting. As someone who has been living with manic-depressive order, I feel the desire to express to my readers what a depressive state truly feels like.
For me, depression sets in when I dig as deep into myself as I possibly can. I do this as a way of questioning my reality. At some point, I think we all realize that our world is only as accurate as our perception of it. When I, personally, came to this realization I immediately became mildly depressed. If my reality is only my perception, then what is real? It is in this intrinsic, inquisitive state that I find myself being most depressed. I begin to question if light is really light, if my purpose really is my purpose, and most recently, if love really is love. In taking this line of questioning, it becomes very difficult to see beauty and love in the world around you. For a depressed person, the only true source of beauty is within. The great thing about this exploration for me, however, is that I have found beauty within myself that no one can touch.
Given this information, I have learned something else. I have learned that, while true beauty and love can always be found within, it is aided by friends, experiences, and most importantly, family. My family has seen me through my highs and my lows and have made me the person I am today. I love all of you and thank you for showing me the light that exists in all of us.
Nothing was gone-except desire; no, more than that-the root, the desire to desire. He thought that a man who loses his eyes still retains the concept of sight; but he had heard of a ghastlier blindness-if the brain centers controlling vision are destroyed, one loses even the memory of visual perception."
-Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead, p. 414
This excerpt is right before one of the main characters contemplates suicide, as he finds himself completely unable to feel. It may be of interest to note, as well, that he thinks these things right after he spends an evening with a woman of utmost beauty. Which is why these two paragraphs capture so perfectly what it feels like for someone with manic-depressive disorder to be in a depressed state. It's not that we don't see the light, it's that we find everything uninteresting. As someone who has been living with manic-depressive order, I feel the desire to express to my readers what a depressive state truly feels like.
For me, depression sets in when I dig as deep into myself as I possibly can. I do this as a way of questioning my reality. At some point, I think we all realize that our world is only as accurate as our perception of it. When I, personally, came to this realization I immediately became mildly depressed. If my reality is only my perception, then what is real? It is in this intrinsic, inquisitive state that I find myself being most depressed. I begin to question if light is really light, if my purpose really is my purpose, and most recently, if love really is love. In taking this line of questioning, it becomes very difficult to see beauty and love in the world around you. For a depressed person, the only true source of beauty is within. The great thing about this exploration for me, however, is that I have found beauty within myself that no one can touch.
Given this information, I have learned something else. I have learned that, while true beauty and love can always be found within, it is aided by friends, experiences, and most importantly, family. My family has seen me through my highs and my lows and have made me the person I am today. I love all of you and thank you for showing me the light that exists in all of us.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
We're All to Blame, So Let's All Work Together
In today's world we are faced with more problems and challenges than ever before. Rising unemployment, an economic system that seems horribly unbalanced, an education system with growing achievement gaps, all coupled with our day-to-day troubles. It's no secret that these are tough times and people are frustrated. And with frustration comes high stress and a search for relief. For many of us this relief comes in finding someone to blame for our problems. Maybe unemployment's so high because of our current tax code and recent economic decisions, perhaps these economic decisions are a result of out-of-control government spending, maybe our schools are failing because our teachers aren't working hard enough; whatever the problem, we can find someone or something to blame. But where does all this blame get us, other than giving our complaints a focal point?
The truth is, placing the blame on any one person or entity sells the real problem short. And even more detrimental, it takes us away from what our focus should be in the first place: fixing the problems and making things better. Let's assume for a moment that all of the blame being tossed around is justified. The government and Wall Street really are to blame for our financial woes, the public education system is broken and it's its own fault, my neighbor's dog shit on my lawn so everyone's out to get me, it's all true. Given this, it seems that there is plenty of blame to go around. None of us is immune from criticism, and therefore, should not be free from responsibility in fixing a very broken country.
As I look at the world around me and have discussions with people in my life, the sentiment is universal that, as a whole, the country is not functioning and people are frustrated. We are frustrated with a government that can't work together, a school system that ignores the real problems, an entitled population that has been coddled by societal privileges, and we all feel we have a right to something better. And herein lies the problem. We all think we have a right to something better, but none of us is willing to take the responsibility to work toward a solution. Instead we're too focused on finding someone to blame for our problems.
I'd like to challenge us to move past the blaming phase and start working toward solutions. Let's accept that we have a lot of challenges and that all of us-even YOU AND I-are to blame. Now that we've accepted this, let's move on to identifying exactly what is wrong and what we can do, as individuals, to affect larger change. The easiest way to do this, in my opinion, is to really listen to each other and hear the concerns being raised by individuals. When listening to concerns, it's important not to get defensive and instead, really hear the concerns being raised. If the concern is a broken economic system, what specifically is affecting you? If education is the problem, what aspect of the process isn't working? When we break down these larger problems into individual concerns, we can then start working on these smaller components to affect larger change. This is what grassroots activism is all about.
I truly believe if we start working together at an individual level, this change will lead to the right kind of people being put into office and a government that truly has the best interests of its people in mind. We can't expect the people in charge to understand our concerns if we don't even understand them ourselves. By working with each other, we can start the wheels of change that are going to fix a severely damaged system. So let's stop blaming each other and start working together to truly "be the change we want to see in this world."
...Now, if after reading this you still feel the need to blame others, may as well make like these people and take it to the top, right?
The truth is, placing the blame on any one person or entity sells the real problem short. And even more detrimental, it takes us away from what our focus should be in the first place: fixing the problems and making things better. Let's assume for a moment that all of the blame being tossed around is justified. The government and Wall Street really are to blame for our financial woes, the public education system is broken and it's its own fault, my neighbor's dog shit on my lawn so everyone's out to get me, it's all true. Given this, it seems that there is plenty of blame to go around. None of us is immune from criticism, and therefore, should not be free from responsibility in fixing a very broken country.
As I look at the world around me and have discussions with people in my life, the sentiment is universal that, as a whole, the country is not functioning and people are frustrated. We are frustrated with a government that can't work together, a school system that ignores the real problems, an entitled population that has been coddled by societal privileges, and we all feel we have a right to something better. And herein lies the problem. We all think we have a right to something better, but none of us is willing to take the responsibility to work toward a solution. Instead we're too focused on finding someone to blame for our problems.
I'd like to challenge us to move past the blaming phase and start working toward solutions. Let's accept that we have a lot of challenges and that all of us-even YOU AND I-are to blame. Now that we've accepted this, let's move on to identifying exactly what is wrong and what we can do, as individuals, to affect larger change. The easiest way to do this, in my opinion, is to really listen to each other and hear the concerns being raised by individuals. When listening to concerns, it's important not to get defensive and instead, really hear the concerns being raised. If the concern is a broken economic system, what specifically is affecting you? If education is the problem, what aspect of the process isn't working? When we break down these larger problems into individual concerns, we can then start working on these smaller components to affect larger change. This is what grassroots activism is all about.
I truly believe if we start working together at an individual level, this change will lead to the right kind of people being put into office and a government that truly has the best interests of its people in mind. We can't expect the people in charge to understand our concerns if we don't even understand them ourselves. By working with each other, we can start the wheels of change that are going to fix a severely damaged system. So let's stop blaming each other and start working together to truly "be the change we want to see in this world."
...Now, if after reading this you still feel the need to blame others, may as well make like these people and take it to the top, right?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I Can Tell that We are Going to be Friends, Whatever That Means
Think back for a minute to your first day of school. If you can't remember your very first day, at least try and think of the first day you remember. Think back to looking into a room, being introduced to your teacher, and seeing the faces of 25+ strangers. In that moment you were faced, possibly for the first time, with the challenge we all face of who will be our friends and who will not. Without even realizing it, you were about to make some decisions, that while maybe seeming insignificant, would impact your social structure and the way you viewed yourself in more profound ways than you would have ever thought. You were choosing the people who would shape you, help you, hurt you, and impact you in ways that would stick with you for the rest of your life. But, of course, none of this entered into your head at that time. How we view the people around us, and the potential for any relationship, is an ever-changing process, and one we certainly didn't take into account when we were five years old getting ready to sit on a rug. In this post, I'd like to discuss the factors that make someone a friend as opposed to an acquaintance or less. I've come to this topic through random discussions with friends and colleagues recently on the ever-changing nature of friends and relationships.
When one thinks back to the first time he/she was faced with the challenge of making friends, the factors that were important are very limited. Initially, we tend to look for people with obvious similar interests. Often times, at the earliest of ages, gender is the first filter . Boys tend to seek out other boys and girls are inclined to act similarly. Once we have narrowed our choices this way, we then look for similar interests, such as sports, comic books, video games, and other things. Once a similar interest has been established a friendship can blossom.
If this explanation of early childhood friendships seems a little simplistic to you, I'd have to agree with you. However, I feel an explanation lies in the needs one has for a friendship in these early years. In my years as a teacher I have been privileged enough to observe the friendships and interactions between my students and see what this entails. In its purest sense, friendship at this age consists of someone to walk around with and be a sounding board for your life. In talking with students and fellow teachers, the most consistent need expressed by students is that of companionship; someone to be with at recess and talk to during lunch.
As we progress through our school years, social pressures begin to grow and the element of acceptance enters into the picture. This is present both in the friendship itself, but also in the need to for the friendship to be accepted by one's peers. Once someone enters secondary education and high school, it's not enough to have friends; friends also have to be cool and make you look good to others. At this point the filters become more and often times our friends become ways for us to promote ourselves. Mutual interests will still bring people together, but social circles become increasingly important and who you know becomes as important as what you do. The needs of a friendship also change. While companionship is still important, friends at this stage really are needed for the growth of one another. Who else can challenge you to be better in all regards, but the person who spends the most time with you? In high school it is our friends who make us look good and who make activities possible. When done correctly, this can be a mutually beneficial relationship, the likes of which most of us are unlikely to see again. Never again will our friendships be such a mutually-sustaining collaboration.
The reason for this is, once we graduate high school and are in an adult world, we are expected to be able to sustain ourselves, at least at some level. No longer is it acceptable to rely solely on others for social interactions and growth. Many of us enter college at this point, and for others it is the workforce that is our new home. Friendships now become a matter of convenience, as our lives are ever more constricted, while the scope of our world becomes ever greater. The people with whom we interact the most are those at our jobs or our classrooms. We see these people for eight hours a day sometimes and we learn that they come from all walks of life. In early adulthood it is the first time for many of us that we've seen people who didn't grow up exactly how we did. Because of this we may be drawn to different people and find ourselves seeking out the new. Old friendships often dwindle during this period as we are exposed to so many new things. At this point most people have begun a process of "finding themselves," or at least discovering what truly interests them and it's not enough just to have grown up with someone. To be a friend you have to bring something more to the table, whether it be some new exciting idea, or a shared passion. It is my opinion that friendships in this phase can be the most exciting, but also the most fleeting.
It is in the period of early adulthood (I'd say from about 19-25) that I feel most of us experience the most growth from our friendships. As discussed, we are exposed to a wealth of people, many of whom have traveled the world to end up in the same place we are. We are drawn to these people and we develop friendships, growing in the process. As we learn from and become close with new people, our lives are constantly changing. People graduate college, change jobs, get married, have kids, and move away. And this is why friendships in this stage are often the most fleeting. Keeping in touch isn't so easy when the circumstances that brought us together are no longer there. Many of us lament this process, feeling as though there are no "true" friends. However, I have had many discussions with people who feel that this is the "true" nature of friendship; that friends are only there for a brief period and serve a specific purpose.
To subscribe to this theory, that true friendship is that which serves a purpose and is temporary, one must accept the ever-changing nature of friendships, which I have tried to lay out in this post. As I arrive on the next phase of friendship, which I feel I am in now, I would have to agree that friendship as a whole is a fluid process, and one that becomes even more inconsistent when we add the element of gender into the process. During this post, I have talked about friendship in the most general terms, without regard to gender or feelings beyond that of simply a friend. To define "friend" in this way leaves out several levels of friendship, most of which would require their own explanation. For the purposes of this blog, I'd like to limit discussion to simply platonic and romantic.
Gender and feelings play into friendships from the earliest times, but I feel they only start to conflict with one another in adulthood. I say this because the majority of my close friends during adulthood have been of the opposite sex. These friendships have started in all manners and fashions, whether they be work acquaintances, school friends, or mutual friends. Sometimes there was an initial attraction, other times none at all, and sometimes an attraction developed. Universally, however, attraction played into the picture and the friendship stopped being so easy. More often than not, when people become attracted to each other in a friendship, this is explored, at least partially, and the friendship is affected. While the immediate effects of such things vary depending on the specific situation, I'd like to point to the consistent long-term effects of friends becoming more. Unless the friendship leads to a long-term relationship, what usually happens is the eventual dissolution of the friendship. This process can be a very quick and obvious one, but often times can take years and be a much more subtle process. However, the deciding factor in the long run is always the same; the introduction of a serious relationship.
Often times after a friendship develops into something more, only to go back to being platonic, people are able to stay friends. For a time. This only lasts until one or both parties enter into a committed relationship. I have seen this pattern consistently enough to come up with a theory, which I think helps explain this phenomenon. Once people get to a romantic place together, it is impossible to take away all of those feelings. Friendships can last for years after a break up, and people can even date other people. But old feelings will always be there, if only in memory. Then, when someone comes along that makes us want to settle down, we are faced with a dilemma; is it possible to give ourselves completely to somebody while maintaining friendships that still harbor feelings? Inevitably, the answer is no. It is impossible to enter into a serious relationship while still having relationships with a romantic past. No matter how hard we try, the nature of the friendship is changed forever.
So am I suggesting that we never give romance a try in our friendships? Not at all. But just as with all the types of friendships I've discussed in this post, we need to be aware of their ever-changing nature and accept the fact that altering the nature of the relationship willingly will end up changing the friendship forever. With this in mind, I have taken the approach of valuing all friendships, regardless of length or circumstance. I have learned more from the people in my life than from any other experience and I wouldn't trade that for all the friends in the world.
When one thinks back to the first time he/she was faced with the challenge of making friends, the factors that were important are very limited. Initially, we tend to look for people with obvious similar interests. Often times, at the earliest of ages, gender is the first filter . Boys tend to seek out other boys and girls are inclined to act similarly. Once we have narrowed our choices this way, we then look for similar interests, such as sports, comic books, video games, and other things. Once a similar interest has been established a friendship can blossom.
If this explanation of early childhood friendships seems a little simplistic to you, I'd have to agree with you. However, I feel an explanation lies in the needs one has for a friendship in these early years. In my years as a teacher I have been privileged enough to observe the friendships and interactions between my students and see what this entails. In its purest sense, friendship at this age consists of someone to walk around with and be a sounding board for your life. In talking with students and fellow teachers, the most consistent need expressed by students is that of companionship; someone to be with at recess and talk to during lunch.
As we progress through our school years, social pressures begin to grow and the element of acceptance enters into the picture. This is present both in the friendship itself, but also in the need to for the friendship to be accepted by one's peers. Once someone enters secondary education and high school, it's not enough to have friends; friends also have to be cool and make you look good to others. At this point the filters become more and often times our friends become ways for us to promote ourselves. Mutual interests will still bring people together, but social circles become increasingly important and who you know becomes as important as what you do. The needs of a friendship also change. While companionship is still important, friends at this stage really are needed for the growth of one another. Who else can challenge you to be better in all regards, but the person who spends the most time with you? In high school it is our friends who make us look good and who make activities possible. When done correctly, this can be a mutually beneficial relationship, the likes of which most of us are unlikely to see again. Never again will our friendships be such a mutually-sustaining collaboration.
The reason for this is, once we graduate high school and are in an adult world, we are expected to be able to sustain ourselves, at least at some level. No longer is it acceptable to rely solely on others for social interactions and growth. Many of us enter college at this point, and for others it is the workforce that is our new home. Friendships now become a matter of convenience, as our lives are ever more constricted, while the scope of our world becomes ever greater. The people with whom we interact the most are those at our jobs or our classrooms. We see these people for eight hours a day sometimes and we learn that they come from all walks of life. In early adulthood it is the first time for many of us that we've seen people who didn't grow up exactly how we did. Because of this we may be drawn to different people and find ourselves seeking out the new. Old friendships often dwindle during this period as we are exposed to so many new things. At this point most people have begun a process of "finding themselves," or at least discovering what truly interests them and it's not enough just to have grown up with someone. To be a friend you have to bring something more to the table, whether it be some new exciting idea, or a shared passion. It is my opinion that friendships in this phase can be the most exciting, but also the most fleeting.
It is in the period of early adulthood (I'd say from about 19-25) that I feel most of us experience the most growth from our friendships. As discussed, we are exposed to a wealth of people, many of whom have traveled the world to end up in the same place we are. We are drawn to these people and we develop friendships, growing in the process. As we learn from and become close with new people, our lives are constantly changing. People graduate college, change jobs, get married, have kids, and move away. And this is why friendships in this stage are often the most fleeting. Keeping in touch isn't so easy when the circumstances that brought us together are no longer there. Many of us lament this process, feeling as though there are no "true" friends. However, I have had many discussions with people who feel that this is the "true" nature of friendship; that friends are only there for a brief period and serve a specific purpose.
To subscribe to this theory, that true friendship is that which serves a purpose and is temporary, one must accept the ever-changing nature of friendships, which I have tried to lay out in this post. As I arrive on the next phase of friendship, which I feel I am in now, I would have to agree that friendship as a whole is a fluid process, and one that becomes even more inconsistent when we add the element of gender into the process. During this post, I have talked about friendship in the most general terms, without regard to gender or feelings beyond that of simply a friend. To define "friend" in this way leaves out several levels of friendship, most of which would require their own explanation. For the purposes of this blog, I'd like to limit discussion to simply platonic and romantic.
Gender and feelings play into friendships from the earliest times, but I feel they only start to conflict with one another in adulthood. I say this because the majority of my close friends during adulthood have been of the opposite sex. These friendships have started in all manners and fashions, whether they be work acquaintances, school friends, or mutual friends. Sometimes there was an initial attraction, other times none at all, and sometimes an attraction developed. Universally, however, attraction played into the picture and the friendship stopped being so easy. More often than not, when people become attracted to each other in a friendship, this is explored, at least partially, and the friendship is affected. While the immediate effects of such things vary depending on the specific situation, I'd like to point to the consistent long-term effects of friends becoming more. Unless the friendship leads to a long-term relationship, what usually happens is the eventual dissolution of the friendship. This process can be a very quick and obvious one, but often times can take years and be a much more subtle process. However, the deciding factor in the long run is always the same; the introduction of a serious relationship.
Often times after a friendship develops into something more, only to go back to being platonic, people are able to stay friends. For a time. This only lasts until one or both parties enter into a committed relationship. I have seen this pattern consistently enough to come up with a theory, which I think helps explain this phenomenon. Once people get to a romantic place together, it is impossible to take away all of those feelings. Friendships can last for years after a break up, and people can even date other people. But old feelings will always be there, if only in memory. Then, when someone comes along that makes us want to settle down, we are faced with a dilemma; is it possible to give ourselves completely to somebody while maintaining friendships that still harbor feelings? Inevitably, the answer is no. It is impossible to enter into a serious relationship while still having relationships with a romantic past. No matter how hard we try, the nature of the friendship is changed forever.
So am I suggesting that we never give romance a try in our friendships? Not at all. But just as with all the types of friendships I've discussed in this post, we need to be aware of their ever-changing nature and accept the fact that altering the nature of the relationship willingly will end up changing the friendship forever. With this in mind, I have taken the approach of valuing all friendships, regardless of length or circumstance. I have learned more from the people in my life than from any other experience and I wouldn't trade that for all the friends in the world.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
It Happened Today, Hooray!
One year ago today my transformation from fine to not was officially complete. This time last year I was at University Hospital, strapped to a bed, and trying to convince myself that the cause for my insanity was some divine purpose from above; some great lesson I was learning that would change my life forever, but would require this horrible experience. The experience I'm relating to you is of being trapped in a part of your mind you didn't even know existed. To be so trapped in this place that you perceive everything as a validation of its purpose. A positive affirmation that what you are doing is for a great purpose, even though it goes against everything you know yourself to be.
I experienced just this situation last year when I had my first, and hopefully only, manic episode. Until this time I had no idea that I was even bipolar. I had no history of depression or mania, nor does my immediate family. We would find out (quite obviously in hindsight) that my mania was triggered by several factors in my life. Work was insanely stressful with the 60+ students I had between three classes in two schools, in addition to the four students I was tutoring. Work stress led to lack of sleep, which led to lack of food, which led to mania. The events leading to me going to the ER at University Hospital are too personal to post, but as many of you know my stay there led to a week long stay in a behavioral health unit in Utah County. My time there was incredible and I learned some of the most amazing lessons I will ever learn. I also met some of the most amazing people I will ever have the honor of crossing paths with.
The first of these truly wonderful people I want to mention is a nurse by the name of Stephen. My first encounter with Stephen was my first morning in the hospital. After heavy sedation, I was awakened to the sound of the director of the center, Dr. Harlan, busting into my room and screaming, "Hi, I'm Dr. Harlan, I bet they didn't tell you about me!" I had been so heavily sedated that I didn't know I was in Utah County, let alone that there was a Dr. Harlan and he was the director of the place. So I have a meeting with Dr. Harlan to go over things, etc, and afterward a nurse by the name of Stephen comes in. He sits down and asks some questions, but in an amazingly understanding tone. I responded in one of the questions with a curse word, as I sometimes do, but instantly apologized and asked how he felt about swearing. He said it's not really his thing, and I proceeded to answer his questions. I mention this part because I never swore the remainder of the time I was in the hospital. This guy had my respect that fast because of the way he treated me. He was the one nurse to treat me with that kind of respect in that entire place, and he will never know how much it meant to be treated like a human being again.
The other person I'd like to mention is actually people. They are all of my fellow patients. In my encounters with them over that week I was honored to hear and share some of the most amazing experiences and stories that I ever have, and I know I will never experience anything like that again. I had some incredibly meaningful conversations with people, and every one of them left me feeling an insane amount of love and respect for my new friends. They taught me that everyone in life is where they are for a reason. None of us has the right to see someone in a situation and make any judgments or assumptions. I never would have imagined being where I was this time last year, but when I got there and met these people, I saw that we all get to places and any number of ways. Our experiences are what make us who we are and these people were amazing.
In closing I'd like to say that my initial feelings about this experiences ended up not being that far off. Although I no longer feel this experience was a divine one, I do feel it is the greatest learning experience of my entire life. I learned more about myself in the last year than in the last 28 combined. And now, one year later, as I look at where I've come, I know I'm just beginning this journey of recovering from what happened and rediscovering myself as a person. It's been a crazy ride so far, and I can't wait to see where it takes me next.
I experienced just this situation last year when I had my first, and hopefully only, manic episode. Until this time I had no idea that I was even bipolar. I had no history of depression or mania, nor does my immediate family. We would find out (quite obviously in hindsight) that my mania was triggered by several factors in my life. Work was insanely stressful with the 60+ students I had between three classes in two schools, in addition to the four students I was tutoring. Work stress led to lack of sleep, which led to lack of food, which led to mania. The events leading to me going to the ER at University Hospital are too personal to post, but as many of you know my stay there led to a week long stay in a behavioral health unit in Utah County. My time there was incredible and I learned some of the most amazing lessons I will ever learn. I also met some of the most amazing people I will ever have the honor of crossing paths with.
The first of these truly wonderful people I want to mention is a nurse by the name of Stephen. My first encounter with Stephen was my first morning in the hospital. After heavy sedation, I was awakened to the sound of the director of the center, Dr. Harlan, busting into my room and screaming, "Hi, I'm Dr. Harlan, I bet they didn't tell you about me!" I had been so heavily sedated that I didn't know I was in Utah County, let alone that there was a Dr. Harlan and he was the director of the place. So I have a meeting with Dr. Harlan to go over things, etc, and afterward a nurse by the name of Stephen comes in. He sits down and asks some questions, but in an amazingly understanding tone. I responded in one of the questions with a curse word, as I sometimes do, but instantly apologized and asked how he felt about swearing. He said it's not really his thing, and I proceeded to answer his questions. I mention this part because I never swore the remainder of the time I was in the hospital. This guy had my respect that fast because of the way he treated me. He was the one nurse to treat me with that kind of respect in that entire place, and he will never know how much it meant to be treated like a human being again.
The other person I'd like to mention is actually people. They are all of my fellow patients. In my encounters with them over that week I was honored to hear and share some of the most amazing experiences and stories that I ever have, and I know I will never experience anything like that again. I had some incredibly meaningful conversations with people, and every one of them left me feeling an insane amount of love and respect for my new friends. They taught me that everyone in life is where they are for a reason. None of us has the right to see someone in a situation and make any judgments or assumptions. I never would have imagined being where I was this time last year, but when I got there and met these people, I saw that we all get to places and any number of ways. Our experiences are what make us who we are and these people were amazing.
In closing I'd like to say that my initial feelings about this experiences ended up not being that far off. Although I no longer feel this experience was a divine one, I do feel it is the greatest learning experience of my entire life. I learned more about myself in the last year than in the last 28 combined. And now, one year later, as I look at where I've come, I know I'm just beginning this journey of recovering from what happened and rediscovering myself as a person. It's been a crazy ride so far, and I can't wait to see where it takes me next.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Child Abuse Awareness
It is estimated that over 900,000 children are abused annually in the U.S. (U.S. Dept. of Heath & Human Services, 2008). The abuse comes in many forms, whether it be physical, emotional, or neglect. These abuses can have both immediate and long-term effects for those being abused. Immediate effects of abuse include physical injury, kids acting out in school through fighting, acting inappropriately with other students, being abrasive with adults, and having an overall negative attitude about school. These immediate effects, in turn, lead to long-term effects that include teen smoking, drug and alcohol use, violence, and increased high school drop out rates (Kelley, Thornberry, & Smith, 1997). In addition to these overt effects, more psychological outcomes of abuse include depression, dissociative disorders, and even suicide attempts (Silverman, Reinherz, & Giaconia, 1996). Without intervention, these things can lead to a chain of violent and destructive behavior that is passed through generations that is very difficult to stop. As the old saying goes, "violence breeds violence."
In order to effectively stop the problem of child abuse in our country, we must first be able to identify the signs that a child is being abused. Physical abuse can evidence itself through minor injuries such as cuts and bruises, as well as more serious injuries, such as broken bones and hemorrhages. In addition to these physical signs, abuse can also show itself in a child's behavior, often times resulting in withdrawn, socially inappropriate, and in many cases, violent behavior. Children who are abused develop a view of adults as people to be feared or resented (more so than normal child resentment of adults). This leads to negative behaviors toward adults that can be signs that a child is being abused. The most common of these behaviors is withdrawal. Children will shut down, or go into their own world when approached by adults and refuse to communicate. Any physical contact is resisted with force and, often times, the child will become violent or abrasive with adults.
So how do we help fight the problem of child abuse in our country? Research shows that children who have been abused have a better chance of success in life when they develop "resilience," or the ability to cope or thrive following negative experiences. The biggest factors related to this resilience are self-esteem, intelligence, humor, creativity, and acceptance. These kids need to feel valued and that they are somebody worthy of a good life. And this is where we adults can come in. As adults, we have the opportunity to foster in these kids the kind of self-esteem, confidence, and knowledge that can help them cope with abuse at home. We can give them a place and support when they have nothing else. The easiest way to help in this way is to VOLUNTEER. Boys and Girls Clubs across the country have been serving as places for kids to go, have fun, and be accepted for many years. Volunteer at your local Boys and Girls Club to coach a team, teach a skill, or just help kids with their homework. If this isn't up your alley, volunteer at your child's school. School's are always looking for volunteers to help with reading, social skills, art, and basically anything you could bring to the table. Call your child's teacher or principal and ask how you can help. Many schools also offer after-school programs, which are great opportunities to make a difference in these kids' lives. The more positive experiences with adults these kids have, the stronger their resilience will become to the abuse they may be facing at home.
Finally, if you suspect that a child has been abused, report it. Don't even think twice about it. All it takes is one phone call to the Child Abuse Hotline (800) 678-9399 and they'll take it from there. This phone number is linked to the Utah Division of Child and Family Services as well as many other states' departments. In addition to the hotline, other resources include the following websites:
Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/
Defining Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/defining/
Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/
Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/reporting.cfm
In closing, let me share a song that always comes to mind when I hear of a child being abused. The reason for this is a personal one for me. In my first year of teaching I suspected a child of being abused. She was a beautiful 10 year old girl with the sweetest spirit ever, but she was withdrawn and scared of adults. I discussed her situation with the school social worker and we had discovered that she was abused. Over the next year and a half we were able to work with her to put her in a nice foster home with a loving family, who I am still in contact with, and she is doing very well in her new situation. When she had left my class initially (to change grades, not schools), I had given the students a CD at the end of the year with songs that meant something to me. When I saw her the next year after summer she told me that she listened to the CD every night, and this was her favorite song.
This one's for you beautiful.
In order to effectively stop the problem of child abuse in our country, we must first be able to identify the signs that a child is being abused. Physical abuse can evidence itself through minor injuries such as cuts and bruises, as well as more serious injuries, such as broken bones and hemorrhages. In addition to these physical signs, abuse can also show itself in a child's behavior, often times resulting in withdrawn, socially inappropriate, and in many cases, violent behavior. Children who are abused develop a view of adults as people to be feared or resented (more so than normal child resentment of adults). This leads to negative behaviors toward adults that can be signs that a child is being abused. The most common of these behaviors is withdrawal. Children will shut down, or go into their own world when approached by adults and refuse to communicate. Any physical contact is resisted with force and, often times, the child will become violent or abrasive with adults.
So how do we help fight the problem of child abuse in our country? Research shows that children who have been abused have a better chance of success in life when they develop "resilience," or the ability to cope or thrive following negative experiences. The biggest factors related to this resilience are self-esteem, intelligence, humor, creativity, and acceptance. These kids need to feel valued and that they are somebody worthy of a good life. And this is where we adults can come in. As adults, we have the opportunity to foster in these kids the kind of self-esteem, confidence, and knowledge that can help them cope with abuse at home. We can give them a place and support when they have nothing else. The easiest way to help in this way is to VOLUNTEER. Boys and Girls Clubs across the country have been serving as places for kids to go, have fun, and be accepted for many years. Volunteer at your local Boys and Girls Club to coach a team, teach a skill, or just help kids with their homework. If this isn't up your alley, volunteer at your child's school. School's are always looking for volunteers to help with reading, social skills, art, and basically anything you could bring to the table. Call your child's teacher or principal and ask how you can help. Many schools also offer after-school programs, which are great opportunities to make a difference in these kids' lives. The more positive experiences with adults these kids have, the stronger their resilience will become to the abuse they may be facing at home.
Finally, if you suspect that a child has been abused, report it. Don't even think twice about it. All it takes is one phone call to the Child Abuse Hotline (800) 678-9399 and they'll take it from there. This phone number is linked to the Utah Division of Child and Family Services as well as many other states' departments. In addition to the hotline, other resources include the following websites:
Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/
Defining Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/defining/
Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/
Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect http://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/reporting.cfm
In closing, let me share a song that always comes to mind when I hear of a child being abused. The reason for this is a personal one for me. In my first year of teaching I suspected a child of being abused. She was a beautiful 10 year old girl with the sweetest spirit ever, but she was withdrawn and scared of adults. I discussed her situation with the school social worker and we had discovered that she was abused. Over the next year and a half we were able to work with her to put her in a nice foster home with a loving family, who I am still in contact with, and she is doing very well in her new situation. When she had left my class initially (to change grades, not schools), I had given the students a CD at the end of the year with songs that meant something to me. When I saw her the next year after summer she told me that she listened to the CD every night, and this was her favorite song.
This one's for you beautiful.
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